I Love You No Matter What

at NCAGT annual conference

When I first started speaking, I never considered presenting to educators of gifted and talented students. I wanted my messages to reach as many people as possible, and I thought gifted students were a population too small and perhaps too privileged for me to pay attention to.

The truth is, these were the excuses I told myself so I could ignore the inner voice that kept telling me, “I know why they suffer. I know how to help them.”

There is a unique pattern in the suffering of the gifted, especially for those who are 2e, or twice-exceptional, like me.

Growing up, I felt a lot of shame and confusion. I had a love-hate relationship with my giftedness. It was my source of pride and joy, my source of love and attention, and my source of pain.

When my self-awareness started to develop during adolescence, my personality completely changed, and my intelligence became a double-edged sword. I became a master manipulator. I played with adults’ emotions and then played with my own. I felt ashamed of doing so, yet had no control over my emotions. I was too young and had not acquired the tools to manage my emotions. I was too pampered and didn’t develop the healthy expectations of life.

I knew I was privileged to be a “smart kid” because people told me that all the time. That made me feel even more ashamed of my “ungratefulness” because my life was too good for me to be suffering.

My self-esteem fluctuated based on my academic and artistic accomplishments. I was so used to receiving external praise and encouragement that I never learned to encourage myself, and neither did I develop the essential characters of mental resilience.

Because everything came to me too easily as a child, I never developed the patience to work hard for success.

Because I did everything correctly on the first try, I never developed a tolerance for mistakes.

Because I always got whatever I wanted whenever I wanted (at least artistically and intellectually), I felt entitled to enjoy the same privilege for the rest of my life.

But that’s not how life works, and no adult was able to convince this stubborn Little Miss Perfect that she was doing Life wrong. I was so obsessed with my giftedness because I had mistaken it for my self-worth.

I was extremely fortunate to have great support from my parents and teachers throughout my life. They did everything they could to support my giftedness.

But they didn’t know, just like I didn’t know it at the time, that all I needed to hear from them was that they loved me no matter what, that they would still love me even if I had been utterly talentless and an outcast, and that I needed to learn to love myself so I could understand their love for me.

They already loved me unconditionally; I just didn’t realize it.